It’s the day before I leave to fly to the other side of the world, and it feels like every other day. Woke up at my sisters and got to hug my niece before she went to school. She is such a beautiful kid.
I have had a lot of strange thoughts over the last few days. Thoughts that I might not make it back. I’m sure this is normal when taking such a long trip, anything can happen. I had a dream last night that I wrote a note for my niece and left it with my Will in case something does happen to me. I told her I would be back and if I don’t for some reason I feel I would need to explain. I don’t like breaking promises and I don’t want her resenting God for some reason if I don’t make it back.
I know this sounds kind of morbid but, those are the thoughts in my head right now.
So, if for some reason I don’t make it back this is what I want her and everyone else to know.
I am at home with my Father in heaven and I couldn’t be in a better place. If I am gone from the earth it is only because He was done using me here. If I am gone from earth it just means I am finally home. I can rest and relax and be at peace with my creator for eternity.
Like I said, I’m COMING BACK. But, I don’t know Gods plan.
I know this trip will be pivotal in my walk. I know that this is the next step in the journey and it makes absolutely no sense. I could sit here and talk about all the things I hope to learn and get out of this experience. I can speculate what my Father is up to and why He would send me around the world. But, I haven’t even wanted to do that. I’m so excited and at peace with going on this journey and so excited to see what will come if it. I usually spend an obscene amount of time trying to piece things together and figure out their purpose and what comes next logically.
All this does is make me tired and anxious and frustrated when things don’t happen like I had calculated. It has taken a long time and a lot of prayer but I think I’m at the point where I actually know how to “let go” of stuff and just be what/ who I’m intended to be.
The calm I feel this close to leaving is sort of a shock to me. It’s a refreshing feeling. But, still odd. We will see how I feel later this evening.
For those reading this I have a few request while I’m on this journey. Please be lifting me up in prayer and asking for strength for travel, guidance on how I function and courage to be bold in my faith.
Also, that for yourself you draw closer to the Father and ask His to show you who He is. Even if you don’t know or even know if you care who He is. That’s how my journey started. Fifteen years ago. Unsure and searching for answers. Crying out to the sky for something better not knowing if I was being heard. Well let me tell you…. I WAS HEARD!
And you will be too.