Life changing choices. Who’s willing to make some?

It has been weeks since I posted so I decided to just sit and write and see what happens. Warning: This could get messy! Let’s talk about choices.
I have been praying as usual to God (that is Jesus Christ for me). I have been seeking guidance and looking for direction. I feel as though there are a thousand things going on in my tiny little world (my brain) and I need to sort them out and make a choice of what to get rid of. I need to identify the things that are distractions and focus on the things that are getting me closer to the end goal. Only problem is I’m not a 100% what the end goal is. I have a good idea of what I think it might be. But, I can’t be 100% certain.
This for obvious reasons makes it difficult to sort out the garbage. I believe that in life we make a collection of choices and these choices make our life what it is. Ok, that’s not just my belief that is a general fact. Some of the choices we make are good for us, and some of the choices are bad for us. Some of us make more good choices and some of us make more bad choices. Most of us make our choices based on what we have learned and where past choices have gotten us. If past behavior seems to have done well for us and we like the direction we are going then we continue to make those choices. But on the flip side, if the choices we are making are leading us in a bad direction we have the MOST important choice to make. Do I continue on this path making these choices that seem to be taking my life down a horrible path? Do I stay where I am because I have become comfortable with failure? Or, do I chance it and risk a different type of failure? Do I step out of my comfort zone where I might get hurt in new ways and the price of failure is a little higher? I now this could be the chance to get out of the failing life I have right now. But, do I really want to risk it?
If anyone has stood at this cross roads you will know what I’m talking about. If you have not than that last paragraph might make no sense to you. I made this choice four years ago. I was tired of knowing exactly what was going to happen and not liking what that was. I would be over worked at work, I would be taken advantage of in relationships, and I would drink and continue to have money problems and a low sense of self worth. I knew that if I continued going the way I was going I would be a slave to this world and all the evil in it. I knew I would just be another cog blindly grinding away my life so the machine of the world would function. Not that the world needs me to function. The world will use any one, just look around.
I had thought since I was a child that there was something “out there” calling me and that there was “something” I was “supposed” to do. I can’t explain it. I have always had this internal voice that tells me there is something better and I need to make a choice. I would need to get uncomfortable and not know what the end result would be in order to follow this “calling.” I would need to step out in faith and trust something I can’t see. I would have to change the choices I had made over and over and over and take a new risk.
The important point I want to make I guess is that sometimes we don’t know where we are going. It doesn’t mean we won’t get there. Ever since I started to allow God into my life and started listening to Him, things have gotten down- right exciting and thrilling. I may not know 100% where I am headed but, I know where I have been.
My old choices got me to a place where I was drunk and miserable packing up my apartment by candle light because the power had been shut off, after my husband left, writing in my journal while praying for a way out of my misery. Pretty sure that was a turning point for me. It’s sad how far we have to fall before we are willing to look up for help. The person I had been the first 30 some years of my life was not the person God intended me to be. That was the person the world wanted me to be. Deceived by fear and trapped by the world’s ideals of how we should be. Work like crazy, make money, do better than your neighbor, compete for attention, have better things then everyone, brag about your vacations and try to out-perform every one, then get drunk on the weekends to celebrate your victorious week of labor and one upping everyone. How exhausting!
My new choices have taken me to the other side of the world, yes literally. They have helped me form some of the greatest friendships. I have been given my self-worth back (something that I don’t know if I ever really had) and an identity that I never knew was inside of me. The person I have been becoming the past four years is the person God wanted me to be from the beginning. Ironically, I don’t know that I would be this person had I not faced the demons of the last 33 years.
Even though the fear of change and making choices you may not understand might seem terrifying and not logical. It has proven to be the best choice of my life. Even if you’re a person who doesn’t follow God make some new choices and take a chance and see what happens. While you’re doing that ask God to give you some strength and courage to reach your full potential. Even if you don’t follow Him (God) he will listen to you. How awesome is that! My relationship with God started as a screaming match with the air. A very one sided screaming match I might add. I lost my patience with life and knew there was something more. I could feel it. I screamed that if He (God) was really there then He better show Himself and show me what it was He wanted from me. Sounds dramatic I know but, that’s how it started for me. I tell people sometimes that even if you’re screaming at a God you don’t believe it, it is better than ignoring one you do believe in. It took many years to change the habit I once had and it took work on my part to be willing to step out into scary places and become willing to change. I had to walk away from a lot of people that were not good for me at the time. They individually are great people. But, having them being in my life at that time was no longer good for me. Some of the choices you must make to start heading in the right direction can be very difficult and hard to stick with. I personally couldn’t do it myself. I need God, and people who follow Him to help me through the journey of turning my life around. Nothing happens over night. Everything in life comes about from one small choice made one after another over time.
So, I will end with a question and you can make the choice.
Do you want to stay as you are today?
Are there things that you want to do with your life that you’re afraid to step out in faith and do?
Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone to do them?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s