House Sitting Retreat – Day 3 – God vs Man intro

Thu Nov 13 2014 – 10:02:18 AM

House sitting Retreat- Day 3- God vs Man intro

Bay Village, OH 44140, USA

I have been blessed by being offered a friends home to stay in while they are away on a mission trip to South Aftrica. He will be gone sixteen days. I plan to use as many of those days as possible to draw closer to God and pray about the many things floating in the infinite space between my ears. Yesturday, I planned a day of solitude. No phone, no Facebook, no use of my Bible app, no internet not even my dictionary app. It was not easy. It seemed every few minutes I was wanting to reach for my phone to look something up. Not that that is a bad thing. I just wanted a day relying on God. I must say it only left me wanting more. I have had a difficult time writing for the past few months and that seems to have ended. I wrote fourteen pages in my journal yesterday. God spoke to me and ever so gentley showed me a few areas that I will be refined in. I started with prayer of course and then some time writing down all that came to mind. That is generally a lot of stuff. If you know me personally you are probably wondering how I wrote it all down. Easy answer, I couldnt! My mind gets so full sometimes with all the things I think I need to figure out and think I should know. Problems that arent mine that I think I need to find the solution to. Future plans and how they play out run through my mind as though by thinking about them I can 100% tell the outcome! Just by thinking them through! Such power I must have. And if you want a quick way to talk yourself out of doing anything I suggest you do the same. Think about what you want to do and then think out every step think of every obstacle and how imposible the task seems and give up before you start. Most important step, pay attention- dont ask God a thing. Make your plans and then later when your crying about how you arent where you should be, cry out for Him to help, for Him to save you. This was my pattern for years! The God of convenience, there when I had no other options. The place I went last, when I felt no hope. Now, fast forward through years of heartache. Fast forward through trials-a-plenty and stubborn prayers demanding my way and my Will be done. Fast forward past the pain, the anger, the entitled feelings, the feelings of lose and anguish over a life that shouldnt have started. Or, so I had thought from time to time. Now, put God where He belongs. First, formost, your go to, your rock, your strength, the most perfect and beautiful resting place for your tired soul. Ask Him first, ask Him how, ask Him why and why not, ask Him who, ask Him anything. Just, ask. Believe, ask, receive. That is the messsge I so clearly am getting while spending this time with God on my mini retreat. And even more important I have been shown what holds me back from believeing and keeps me from asking. Man- Not men, this is not about to turn into a man bashing feminist rant. But MAN as in mankind. Humans, people, men and woman, boys and girls, saints and sinners. Man, keeps me from God the most. Hold the phone, I am surrounded by “believers” , I listen to nothing but Christian music, I read the Bible daily and am in “fellowship” with strong believers most of the time Im with people. How could my fellow Christians get between me and God. How can my biggest idol be man? ! I was shocked too! I will continue this a little later.

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Day 300

So today is day 300 since I left my

“real job.”

I feel like nothing great or amazing has happened. Only it has.

I have learned I am a very undisiplianed blogger first of all. I need to fix that. I think its going to be a huge part of the next season in this journey I am on.

Second: I need to stop being afraid of who might see or read what I say and what they might think.
This is a life that God has given me to live. No one else.

Third: I am tired of feeling like I will never get somewhere. Where is this somewhere? And why do I desire it so bad? Is it the desire to wake up over and over and do the same thing always? For some it is. For some it is steady work a nice home and comfort. It is knowing how your day will go and being able to manage your day so it all flows relatively easily.

Fourth: I have learned that is not my somewhere. I dont like the same thing every day, I dont care about money as long as I’m feed and have clothes that are right for my surroundings. I dont want to borrow money to buy things I dont have. But, realize I need to pay the debts I have aquired during this life.

God has made me like I am. Unique, quirky, ecsentric and funny. I am creative and my mind is full of things some people wish they could think of. Im not bragging I’m just finally owning who I am. I have gifts and talents thst may seem simple,  but in the right context they are the most important skills a person can have.
I feel God preparing me for the next stage.  It isnt at all what I thought it might be and I am ok with that.
I will be taking the next 2 weeks to pray and write and really seek Gods will in this.
Not to say my current path isn’t the right one. I just feel a huge turn coming on that path.

* Father- I pray for your guidance and clerity as I prepare to spend time with you. Show me where we go next.
– In Jesus Name- Amen

I think its time to get out of here – part 2

I dont even know if anyone reads this blog.  But, if anyone has been reading and wonders if this trip has happend, the simple answer is NO.  I feel it will happen some day.  Just waiting on the Lord to show me how and when.
I am in a strange season of trusting and balance.  These things both tend to freak me out.  I am generaly all or nothing, black or white, on or off.  I am not used to content, and patient.  I am not used to generally trusting and knowing things will work out as they should  with out excesive amounts of prayer.  It makes me uneasy sometimes when I relax and really  let God take the wheel.  I usually feel anxious and out of control.  Even worse the enemy tries to tell me lies of my lazyness when I step back and trust God with everything.  These are not feelings I have been battleing with lately.  I am happy to say I am finally becoming comfortable with some balance and some actual peace.

I will keep praying about this trip.  I know it is coming one day. But, I will wait on the Lord for direction as to when. Not gonna lie, at times I feel it would be the best solution just to pick up and Go, but, something will not allow me to do that right now. Maybe, tomorrow or some day soon, maybe years from now. Who knows.  Following God feels like chasing a ghost to me sometimes. But, I wouldnt have it any other way. He always proves to know more then me.     

I think it’s time to get outta here

I have wanted to go cross country for a long time. I have had ideas of going by train, by car, by motor home and even by scooter or bicycle.
I want to have an epic journey of mass proportion that is life changing and eye opening. And If that fails at least I can see the rest of this awesome country I love in, and talk to people about Jesus.
I have never been farther west then St. Louis Missouri. I’m going to be 36 at the end of the month, I have been divorced and I have no children. I feel just as lost and clueless as I did many years ago.
I have walked the crazy path of self distraction and lived. I have tried to get things right on my own and failed. I have turned my life over to God and sold out to Jesus and even left my job to do great things in His name. That is something I was succeeding in!
Yet I still feel like there is something I’m not doing. I still feel I need to trust more and get closer to the creator.
How do I do that? I pray and He answers. Sometimes right away and sometimes after I have lost my patience.
I feel like I keep starting over and over again. Am I trying to live up to some unknown expectation I have somehow put on myself. Some ideal that I can’t even define.
I know that God put me here for a reason. Yet, I don’t thinks it’s for some grand monumental movement. I think it’s very simple and I keep trying to make it more grand and complicated. God put us here to love Him and love others and to share His word. Period.
This doesn’t have to be complicated and it doesn’t have to be stressful! It shouldn’t be stressful!
I think the rest of what we do with our lives is preference. If we do what we wan to do, but do it with God in our hearts and follow His command to love and share his word He will bless our efforts.
So, on that note it comes down to preference.
I prefer to travel and share Gods truth then to share it at a job that over works me and stresses me out.
I prefer to open my own business then work for someone else and I prefer to have the freedom to make money when needed and to let God have the room to provide and work miracles in my life.
So, then all I need to do is let God show me the steps. God does provide but He does help those who help themselves. That is a hard thing to find balance with.
I believe the time I have gone without working was a season for me to see how simple serving God really is. It was to show me He will undoubtedly provide when I trust Him fully.
I believe it was a season to increase my faith and strengthen me.
Just not working and telling people how God provides has inspired people and brought great glory to God. And that’s the point. To glorify Him. So even if Se7en Missions never opens a building with a coffee shop or art gallery and just continues helping people and PRAISE from the Rooftops hosted at different locations, it is still what God intended it to be. Worship to Him and glory being brought to His name.
So, I think the only thing left to do now is plan my “epic journey” get some work to get some money together and get going!
I will of course continue to work on my plans for Se7en and pray and see where God leads. But, a 3-4 week journey will rejuvenate and energize my soul.
God – I pray you hear my prayers and bless this journey and allow me to cross paths with many people who need you. I pray you use me during this journey to bring glory to your name and to inspire others to live their lives more for you. I pray that if a blog is a part of this journey you help me to write the things that would help others. I pray that you would make it clear if there are others who are supposed to join me. I pray you show me who they are and what part of the journey they will be taking with me.
I thank you for all those who support me and my unconventional sometimes over zealous pursuit of you and your will.
I pray you give me dates and routes and funds to make this trip safe and glorifying to you.
Amen

Day 103

So today is day 103 since I left my “real” job. I ran out of the money that I knew I had right when I thought I would. And I’m still moving forward. God is showing up in amazing and unbelievable ways. My car died and someone made a donation that covered buying a new one and my bills for March. I can’t even explain how that happened.
I am sitting here on the 24th Of the month with a huge electric bill due my rent unpaid and peace in my heart that it will be fine and taken care of. On the other hand my worth as a person and if I’m doing enough work is being challenged in my own mind and the enemy is using everything he has against me.
I didn’t realize how much worth my job gave me and how much I defined my character by the amount of work I was doing and how busy I was. Even if I wasn’t actually doing anything. Just being busy and having people count on me for the answers was enough to feel needed and worth something. Right now I am in a position where I don’t have much to give anyone anything. I feel very meek and humbled and honestly a lot of days I feel worthless because I don’t feel like I’m contributing to my own life.
I keep getting reassured by God that I’m in the right place and I am doing His will and to hold on to His word and His promises and all will be right with my soul. He tells me my identity is in Him and what I’m doing for Him is worth far more then anything else I did at my other job.
I see people inspired by my leap of faith and when they see me walking by faith and not but sight they seem joyful to see someone doing it. But, sometimes I feel like there has to be more to it then that! I must have to do something else. I can’t just simply go around trusting God… Or can I? Well the last 103 days have proven to me that that is exactly what I need to do,and continue to do.
But, the enemy tries to lie to me every minute of every day it seems. He tells me I have failed at things my whole life and this is no different. He tells me I can’t do this I don’t know what I’m doing, the task is to hard and takes too much work for me, he tells me there is no way I’m gonna pull this off and people think I’m nuts. He tells me people are waiting to see me fail and fall flat on my face. The enemy tells me I will be alone forever because no one wants to be with someone so needy so out there so wishy washy.
But the truth is that the enemy is right, about most of that. This is too big for me and I can’t do this… By myself! I have to have God guiding every moment and His help for every decision or I will fall flat on my face. And there probably are people waiting to see that happen.But,God tells me to put my trust in Him and get my worth and identity from Him. Not to dwell on the negative thoughts Of others. He will carry me and I will succeed even with people who doubt and persecute my faith. I just have to keep moving one small step as God lays it in front of me.
This is teaching me to trust his provision for today and to not put to much stock in tomorrow. He gives me more then what I need for today every time. Anxiety and worry only comes when I start to look to far ahead when I try to take over and make big plans for myself, this ministry ect…,yes it takes planning but in Gods timing those plans fall into place just as they should.
I can’t explain how I know when to do what. I sometimes have no idea what I’m doing, I sometimes get ahead of myself and God, I doubt sometimes, I cry and scream for directions sometimes. But, deep inside I know He has a plan and it is being carried out in me and through my life. Despite the ups and downs and doubts, through the fear and worry. God will prevail and He will accomplish the purpose He wills for my life.
I just have to remember it is already done! God already won, the enemy has already been defeated! All the trials I come up against, every negative thought and every trying relationship is allowed to come against me in order to make me who He wants me to be. A daughter of the sovereign Lord of all. Strong in faith an courage, full of love and Grace, willing to die and suffer for my God and King.
Can’t wait to see what day 104 has to offer.

365 days with Jesus- Days 1-5

Warning I am writing this from my phone and will make an attempt to have all the spelling correct but I’m not making any promises so I apologize in advance for errors.
Now that that has been said.
My last day at my “real job” was almost a week ago. I am following my calling to be in ministry full time. The building I live in if you have read any of my other posts is less then usual. It’s a big wear house. I’m the only person that lives in it and I Iive here because God told me to move here in April of 2012.
I was at my last job for 5 years and in the same field for 9 years. I have prayed the last 2 years about what Gods will is for me and the purpose of me being in this building. I have gotten answers. Too many to share in the blog post.
That is why I think I will blog the next 365 days as I pray and follow God. So others can see the way He can speak into your life.
So how have my first 5 days off been? Well I haven’t had running water at home for the past 10. So I have felt very displaced. Monday felt like a I was on long weekend. Tuesday I felt free as a bird and amazing. Wednesday I felt confused and frustrated because I’m working on things I don’t know much about. And now Thursday… We will see how today is. I’m still without water and all I want to do right now is shower and brush my teeth. Thankfully I have some bottled water so I can brush my teeth. It’s like I’m on a mission trip in another country in my own house. Doesn’t bother me too much really.
Had a meeting with a woman in ministry here in Cleveland and we are excited to work with each other. I also have a photographer lined up for the first gallery show.
Now I need to get a contract together, renovate, get some advertising designed and printed, oh and get some money together to do all that.
So that’s my idea of how I need to proceed. Now the best part of my day.
Heavenly Father- I turn all these ideas over to you. I pray for your will in these days to come and pray you show me your perfect will for this ministry and how it will work and come together. I pray for you to guide me and to put me in the path of the people you would have me meet today. I pray you help me hand over my idea of how this should work and how this should go together. I pray For provision through out my day and throughout the building process of this ministry you have called me to. I know you will provide and you will show me these things Father. I pray you give me the sight to see them and the knowledge to use the resources you send me in a way that is pleasing to you. I pray that you would be with me and that I would feel your presents close to me through this day and all other days.
I pray you bless the meeting I am about to attend and that you would help me to make the choice of being a house church or not. I thank you for your Grace over me and pray all I do brings glory to you.
In Jesus name- amen

Reposted from an old blog i never let anyone read.

Se7en: the beginning

May 4, 2012 at 5:00 am (Uncategorized) · Edit

There are a lot of factors that have gotten me to the building I am in right now and a lot of different ideas have crossed my mind as to why I am here. Here as in, in this building and also here as in, in this world.

I believe that God has put us all here for different reasons, some great and some small. Sometimes we know exactly what we are doing and feel like we are “supposed” to be doing them. At other times we feel like we have no direction are lost and have no idea what is going on with our lives.

Se7en started in the space somewhere between those two trains of thought. I had a disire to do something with my photography but not sure what. I also had an irresistable pull in my heart that told me I had a higher purpose. So, I prayerfully went about my days sort of in this limbo between what I thought I wanted to do and what I thought God was telling me to do.

I followed leads that I got from people to start a business and in the procces I found the building I now call Se7en. I thought it would make a great place to live and work but never thought that I would have such large ideas attached to it.

The place is not even half finished. But, there is a very energetic feeling and a comfort there that made me want to be there from the first day I walked through the door.

I found it on line, called the number on a whim one day while driving around and the owner was available to show it to me right then and there! So I met with him and he showed me the building.

It smells like dust and wet tile I guess would be the best way to discribe it. The stairs are steep, very steep as we walk in and I have no idea what to think. We get to the top of the stairs and the floors are uneven and missing spots there is no kitchen, no bathroom, no dry wall just framing and wood and dust and who knows all over the place. The plumbing and electrical was all exposed and looked a little frightning. But, my mind quickly filled in the spaces and could see Se7en as it would look completed. I tried to hide my smile as the owner showed me around. I could not believe how cool the place was. Even in its current condition.

We talked about contracts and deposits and rent and it all seemed do able. So, I left excited and feeling half crazy. Was I really thinking of moving out of my very comfortable 2 bedroom apartment with working kithchen, plumbing and walls. Was I really considering doing all that work and living in conditions less then normal… I was.

I prayed about that situation and sort of felt crazy. I didnt have to move, was very happy where I was. So, next day I just had to go see the place again but the owner wasnt available I had to wait two more days till I could see it again. Those where a long two days. Every thought was of that place and me talking to God about what I should do. Even when I closed my eyes I would dream of the place and me working on it and it open for business. Everytime the answer was the same GO.

40 days later and more anxiety then I can possibly explain (just ask my family I drove them nuts) and I was moving In.

I was thankful to have electricity on the day I moved in and the shower had not been installed yet (and wouldnt be for 10 more day), no hot water, no fridge or stove and no clue when I would be getting any of those things.

So, I moved in and got my stuff sorta settled. During that time God also gave me good company and much needed help. From a very amazing person. Who helped me get most of my stuff  settled into a room on the first floor for storage and the furniture and everyday stuff to the 3rd floor. Which is 1/2 the amount of space I was used to living in. All though I will tell you it is plenty of room for me.

It is hard for me to remember and go back and write all the awesome things that have happened to lead me to this place. I wanted to start a blog for Se7en because I believe God is at work and he is using me and that place to do something great for him. I want to make sure I have the story/ history of Se7en written somewhere. What better place to do it and what better time then to do it then as it happens. I can’t guarantee it will be excitingng to anyone but me but I feel I need to have it written down some where. So, Here goes nothing.

Let the journey of Se7en begin.

 

 

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